Poke'mon: Zany Erattic Random Oddesy
by Crimson Ziz
Summary: A chain of events that really should not of happend cause the entire reality to suffer a fate worse then death. So what do Mew and Celebi do? Screw it up, that's what!
1. How the Stabbing Starts PT 1 The Life an

Authors Note: This will at first seem like a Mary Sue Fic. However that is quite the opposite of the case. One, It can't be a Mary Sue fic because I am a guy, and two, well read it for four paragraphs and you'll see. Enjoy…or not, I really could careless. Oh yes, Poke' speak will be translated for your convenience, lazy bastards, making me do your work, why in my day we only had two colors and…

Poke'mon Z.E.R.O (Zany, Erratic, Random, Odyssey)

Ch1: "How the Stabbing Starts." Prt1: The life and times of Estella Briahm

Estella Briahm strutted down the path of Petalburg woods, in her stylish, top of the line imported only three hours ago from the Orange Islands, jeans and tank top, showing just enough of her perfect…assets. Her platinum-blond hair swaying in the breeze as her deep beautiful blue eyes took in the surroundings. Her Bright pink near indestructible, waterproof, acid proof, vacuum-sealed backpack had all the convinces of home as it was equipped with a state-of-the art extremely expensive Digital-Storage-Device. As a smirk graced her perfect and beautiful as she thought over he perfectly super unbeatable plan.

She would by pass the pathetic gym leader in her hometown in Rustboro City, and go straight to Petalburg, where the level 5 Gymleader would bow down to her superior skills, after all, she did get the highest test scores in the history of the trainer acceptance test. So there was a slight transfer of several thousand dollars to the guy who ran the grading program, but that just proved her intelligence in the fact that she was able to think around of the box, or is the expression over the box? Estella didn't know, but she didn't care, as she was to perfect to care.

She let out a lovely perfect laugh with her beautiful perfect voice, scaring and scarring for life every Zigzagoon in a three-mile radius. That pathetic Gym Leader was suppose to be one of the toughest Gymleaders in Hoenn with his superb strategies and using one of the strongest species in the world, but that did not worry Estella. For she had a genetically altered, highly illegal super Poke'mon. Worth all 5,600,000 credits that her father filthy rich father, Heir to the number 1 producer of all hover vehicles, had paid for.

With her skills, she would easily concur all of the gyms in only a few days, then beat the Elite 4, and become the Hoenn Poke'mon champion, then the greatest Poke'mon Master in the world, nothing could stop her. She was perfect, brilliant, unbeatable, Invincible!

Three seconds later she was eaten by a Seviper. The moral of the story is, never laugh manically while in the middle of a forest, or you'll get eaten.

Nobody actually cared about Estella's timely demise, as she was a real bitch. But she did leave a memorable imprint on one being. The Seviper who ate her got constipation from all of the plastics and saline and, decided to relive himself in a river. The river was essentially poisoned and caused a poor Goldeen to go blind, that Goldeen franticly swam around randomly, until it crashed into an inflatable raft occupied by some fishermen. Their raft started to deflate, and while panicking, one of the fishermen threw away his Super Rod. The Super Rod flew into the woods and hit a Swellow on the head, dropping it into unconsciousness, and preventing it from chowing down on the Wurmple it just caught. That Wurmple ran back to its…Wurmple…home…tree …thingy…yeah. And promptly evolved into a Cascoon. Three months later, it evolved into Dustox, flew to the ocean, and saw its reflection.

It was so ugly, that it scared itself and had a heart attack, and plummeted into the briny deep. It's corpse was eaten by a Sharpedo, who got high off it and decided to fly to the moon on a saucer of gravy while humming the itsy-bitsy spider and wearing a yellow padded bra. It lept up onto the deck of the S.S Aqua. A color blind Collector of Poke'mon thought that he discovered a new species, and instantly ran to his cabin to grab his poke'balls. On his way there he tripped and fell unconscious, causing a random sailor, who was lifting two heavy boxes, one filled with bedpans, the other Speedballs, to trip. The order forms, which happened to have the addresses on them, to be switched around.

Little Gary Stu, who was very sick and abused by his parents, but didn't let that effect his personality, received the Speedballs, and decided to, despite his injuries and illnesses, catch a Scyther, name it Blade, and start another fic that is less than mediocre and more as a self-insert to make himself feel better that he's fat and ugly, and then remember to forget to rename it after evolves into a Scizor. But while he was trying to catch it, he missed once. Later, a random researcher of little to no importance trips over the Speedball and realizes how the overall evolution of the Spoink happens and rushes to tell someone, then the 4th wall breaks and the author comes down and speeds things up, partially because this is taking to long, partially because this is harder to write then you think.

(Far Away Isle, Sea of Hoenn, Nine Months Later)

So the tree branch falls on Mew's head, while he is in the middle of teleporting, which causes him to teleport to Ilex forest instead of Viridian. There he bumps into Celebi, who is in the middle of charging up for time travel. Mew, panicking, teleports again, and they end up back where it all began, Petalburg woods. Celebi's time traveling powers activate right at the end of the teleport, causing a huge shock wave to erupt upon the universe.

(The Sweaty Piloswine, Underground Goldenrod City, Johto)

"So I say's to him, I says, that's no Aipom, that's my wife…" shouts a man, very drunk. His companion at the bar stares at his drink, and says nothing. "Yeah, that joke sucks…so why are you here?"

"Pardon?" asks the companion, ruffling his cloak, however, there is no sound.

"Oh yur, Psychic eh?" responds the drunkard. "Well wateva, anywho, nobody comes to The Sweaty Piloswine because they like the booze, they come here because they feel miserable and they want company."

"Well…" started cloak…thinking of how he could put it into words, "I don't know what I should do with my life, the purpose that I was born for I've rejected, and my original goal has been proven to be just selfish foolishness and the ones that I care about don't need me…I don't know what to do."

"Well, wy dunt ya try to be a trainer, make sum friends, see da world."

"Heh, that's not my thing."

"Well maybe you need a girlfriend."

"A girlfriend?"

"Ya know, a nice lass, whose makes ya feel good."

"…I don't exactly think I'm, wait…do you feel that?"

"Feel what?" asks the drunk. The cloaked figures eyes widen in shock. He gets up, and then disappears in a flash of light, "… good luck kid."

(Back at Petalburg Woods)

"Oh…my head…what happened…" says the legendary Poke'mon Mew, as he groggily gets up from the ground. He gets rid of his cobwebs and looks around. He spots Celebi and floats over to her. "Hey, Celebi, come on…wake up," says Mew, as he shakes up the time-travel Poke'mon.

"Owe…what hap…HOLY SHIT!" swears Celebi, bolting up.

"Ouch, do you have to yell so loud?" asks Mew, nursing his head, as he had a rather wicked headache. Celebi looked at him flabbergasted.

"Do I have to yell? DO I HAVE TO YELL! WHAT KIND OF STUPID QUESTION IS THAT?" shouts the grass type, her arms raised to the air? Mew winces at the loud sounds, wondering bug-type crawled up her butt, probably a Forretress.

"What's the problem?"

"WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, THAT'S THE PROBLEM!" shouted Celebi, pointing behind Mew. Mew turned around. What he was…pink. And it was round…esc, and was floating three feet off the ground.

"A dimensional rip? I don't get what the big deal is, they happen every so often anyway," responded Mew, who looked around uninterested, he was hungry.

"Bu-but it could very well alter our entire dimension by colliding with a nearby one,"

"I know, where do you think humans came from?" Celebi just stood there with her mouth open, she raised her hand and tried to speak, and put the hand down. Then she tried to speak again, and failed. This happened for a while until she crossed her arms across her chest, closed her eyes and thought, and thought, and thought. Mew squealed in glee as he discovered a Pecha Berry Plant.

"I guess your right Mew, it's nothing we should worry about too badly," admitted Celebi. "Still…I want to know what kind dimension we might run into, wanna peak?"

"Hell Yeah!" shouted Mew, his face covered in peach colored gunk. Both of the Psychic types floated to the dimensional rip, and what they saw, scarred them for the rest of their lives.

"We are the Winx, We are the Winx, (whispered) Come join the Club, We are the Winx!"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

(Unknown Location)

"Will Mew and Celebi find a way to stop their fusion with the Winx world? Will we ever find out the identity of the cloaked stranger? Will Gary Stu win the Poke'mon league for the 24352324th time in a row? Does anyone actually notice that Estella is gone? What is the meaning of Life? Boxers or Briefs? "How much wood _could_ a woodchuck chuck? Will Ash ever fall in love with Misty?" bellows a middle-aged man in a black suit as he talks into an old-fashioned radio microphone. Suddenly he is kicked in the knee.

"Hell no! And who the fuck are you?" asks the kicker, who is revealed to be an Oddish.

"Why I'm the Narrator, I'm the guy who does the monologue at the end of each episode… err chapter. Now who are you little guy?" asks the Narrator

"I'm the author, and I have a narrator, kick ass!" shouts the author, as he pumps the air with his…leaves.

"I kind of expected you to be more…godly,"

"Yeah, well just about every fanfic has or web comic has some sort of god-modded uber form, ripping off "_Bob and George_" or Jack Kirby. So I decided to be different from them and take on something weak, to show people that I won't give them the same recycled garbage with Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus as far as the eye can see,"

"Well that's rather admirable of you,"

"Instead, I'll give them a brand _new_ kind of garbage, that way, when people start recycling my plot points and character types, I can flame there asses off mercilessly, heh-heh, the fools," says the Author, saying the last part quietly, facing away from the narrator, talking to himself.

"…Well is there any reason for you talking to me?"

"Yeah, your holding up the show, I already posted both parts of the first chapter, I just broke it up for dramatic effect,"

"Oh, sorry…ehm hem, Tune in next time to Poke'mon Z.E.R.O, How the Stabbing Starts part two, Phone Numbers"

"Kick, Ass,"


	2. How the Stabbing Starts PT 2 Phone 's

Author's Note: Hurray, I actually completed this, I rule, feel my writing prowess..ness…

ed. Yeah, anyway, we finally get to introduce the new main human character. This should be pretty good, oh, one more thing, poke'speak will be translated again, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Crimson Ziz does not own Poke'mon, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Teen Titans or The Winx Club. If I owned Poke'mon, not only would I be rich, but you'd watch this not read it, and if I owned The Winx Club, I would have committed the most complicated suicide possible. High-Elf-Swordsman is cool with his insertion, as I asked him; he gave me position on his page.

Poke'mon Z.E.R.O. Ch1 "How the Stabbing Starts" Pt2: "Phone Numbers"

(Irregular Productions, Violet City, Johto)

The sun raises, as it does, the light goes onto Ash's and Pikachu's faces. A bunch of people start singing in Japanese.

"Ukeilele genrewerewrw" sounds the soundtrack, as it is suddenly turned off, the picture skips several times until it rips. We see Author, still and Oddish, walk out of a room labeled office, although it's clearly a bathroom, a piece of toilet paper stuck to his foot. Stepping into what looks like a dirty office building with bad lighting and random boxes and knickknacks piled up everywhere. In the middle of the building is a giant machine, labeled plot device; it has a huge on/off switch, which is currently in the off position. The Narrator is next to the plot device, and is talking to two guys who were wearing tactical suits that looked suspiciously ripped off of the Generic Policemen from Teen Titans. The Author has a very angry look on his face.

"Alright, which one of you Bitch-sticks turned off _my _plot device," says The Author, glaring at everyone in the room

"Are you the Author known as Crimson Ziz?" asks the first expendable meat shield.

"Yeah, now answer my damn question!" shouted the Oddish, ready unleash an acid attack. He's obviously pissed.

"We're the Fanfic Police, Your under arrest," said Guard Number B, as both he and Meat Shield raised, or rather lowered because he's short, their automatic plasma rifles at him.

"Bull Shit! What are the charges?"

"Use of a song in fanfiction,"

"I asked Satoshi Tajiri, he didn't mind,"

"First, You need permission from Nintendo, as they own The Poke'mon Company, secondly, I doubt you know him,"

"That's still just a slap on the wrist infringement, what else did you_ wrongly_ accuse me of?"

"You are also charged with illegally breeding Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus for the purpose of being hunted off season,"

"That is completely untrue,"

"Then what the hell is that over there!" shouted Guard B, pointing to a cage filled with Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus, going at it.

"I can only kill one a day due to the limits in Johto, they do the sex by themselves, I have nothing to do with that," said the Oddish, folding his leave around the lower part of his body and turning away.

"There is also the Illegal use of Type-3 Flame Missiles,"

"That is totally and completely untrue,"

"We can see them right over there," said Meat Shield, pointing to the right of the plot device, to several missiles with scathing remarks written all over them.

"No, those are Type-4 'Constructive Criticism' Missiles, guaranteed to educate _and_ make the newbies cry,"

"That's it, your coming with us," responded Meat Shield, as he bent down to cuff the Oddish. That was an incredibly stupid move.

"BERSERKERGANG!" shouted the Oddish, as he leapt up and bit the police officer in the lesser-protected neck. Using his acid he burnt through the specially treated rubbery plasticy material drew blood. The officer feel down screaming, trying to pry the grass type off his neck.

"Man down! I repeat, Man Down! We need reinforcements!" shouted Guard B, calling for assistance, several more Teen Titans rip-offs rushed in, breaking doors and busting windows while The Author continued to kill.

(20 minutes and 20 Murders later)

The Fanfiction Police Corps finished loading the now restrained Oddish into the armored van that would be transporting him to there correction facilities, where he would be brainwashed into being a normal person with a social life, a fate worse then death. The Oddish's feet were in large metal shackles, with each leaf on his head stuck in a vice like grip with his restraints, but the most noticeable addition is the huge metal muzzle that covered his entire body except his eye, he was making muffled sounds, most likely cursing out the officers. The remaining officers secured him to the truck, closed the doors, and drove off. Leaving a very confused Narrator behind.

"Well now what do I do?" asked the Elder Gentleman to no one. He had no idea how use the plot device, so because of that, he couldn't narrate, which means he'd be out of a job. How will little Jimmy and little Susan be able to eat if they had no money? They'd have to sell there home and become hobos and…

"I'll tell you what we do, we continue in spite of things," a voice cries out heroically. A figure is standing on the roof of a neighboring building, with the sun behind him preventing him from being seen. He heroically jumps off the roof! And falls on his face with an undignified thump. "Em uhvah, em uvah," mumbles the figure. He gets up and shakes the cobwebs from his head. He is wearing a light suit of armor that doesn't seem to be too heavy. He also has a cape on that's red on the outside and yellow on the inside, and has a sheathed short sword at his waist. He also has pointed ears.

"And you are…?" asks the Narrator

"I'm High-Elf-Swordsman, but you can call me Hes," responds the elf, brushing himself off.

"Alright, so why are you here?"

"Well my 'Crimson Ziz was arrested for killing police officers' alarm went off and I went to contingency plan alpha-zero-zero,"

"What's contingency plan alpha-zero-zero?"

"Put the Plot Device into character development mode and keep it running till he gets back,"

"This happens rather often doesn't it?"

"More then I'd care to discuss," said Hes, finishing the conversation. Both he and the narrator stood there for a while, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Shouldn't you turn it on now?" asks the Narrator

"Oh, yeah, duh," says Hes, bringing his hand to his forehead, while shaking his head at his own forgetfulness. They go inside and Hes switches the on/off switch to on.

(Petalburg Woods, Hoenn)

All was peaceful in Petalburg woods, the Tailow were chirping, the Slakoth were slacking, and the Wurmple were wurmping…le…ning. Everything was peaceful and quiet, and after a whole year, the forest had finally recovered from Estella Briham's laugh. Yes, nothing could ruin this peace,

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Mew in mortal pain, proving me wrong as everything scattered back to the bush. "Ohmanthisisbadthisisbadthisisreallybaditcantbeworsethenthisexceptmaybethetimeigavealchaholtojirachiandshewasallwishigivingandiaccidentlycreatedspoinkandthenbutnothisisworseastheywilltrytokeepusliketherabbitandthepixiesand I DON'T WANT TO WATCH INFERIOR CG BLENDING!" Celebi fed up with his panic, grabs Mew. Wild Mew wants to battle, Celebi chooses Celebi, fight, doubleslap, Celebi uses double slap, its super effective, it hits 5 times.

"Stop (slap) Babbling (slap) and (slap) pull (slap) yourself (slap) together!" shouts the grass type, slapping mew back to reality. "Now, you're the father of all Poke'mon, you've been around longer then me, how do we close a reality rip?"

"We can't,"

"What?"

"We can't,"

"The rip itself will fade in a few minutes anyway when reality runs a 'systems check' and notices the error, but we already shifted our dimensions 'course' so its bound to 'crash' into the other dimension," said Mew, depressed, looking like someone whose lost all hope. However Celebi wasn't going to be associated with, those things, and didn't give up.

"What if we were to make another rip?"

"We'd have to do it at a specific spot and time travel a specific rate to undo it, and we can only undo it within the next few minutes, to figure out exactly where to do the teleport and time travel, then teleporting right next to it, it take to long,"

"Can't we travel back in time?"

"Dimensions run off there own time, we can't, it's hopeless,"

"We have to try…right?" said Celebi, lifting Mew's downtrodden chin and smiling at him. Mew nodded, then pumped his fist in the air.

"Your right, as long as we have time, we have hope, now prepare, for now you must…FEAR MY MATH PROWESS!" shouted the pink Poke'mon, as he donned a graduation cap, glasses, and a pencil out of nowhere, and started waving the pencil around in the air, seemingly randomly. A single bead of sweat rolled down the back of Celebi's head. "The circumference, times the width, carry the Torchick, multiple by a pie, make up some math terms…no…fucking…way…"

"…What?" asked Celebi, clearly confused?

"IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE!" Shouted Mew, pointing to a brown backpack, not twenty feet away from them. Quickly, Mew and Celebi rushed over to the spot.

"What are the odds of that happening?" asks Celebi

"1 in 4,266,222 squared," answered Mew. "All right, we only have a minute until the refresh, so I need you to hold onto me and go 4.266,222 nanoseconds into the future.

"…That's it?"

"Yes, that's it,"

"Allright," said Celebi, as she started charging up her time travel powers, Mew held her in a hug and teleported, and Celebi went to the future.

(57 Bedford Lane, New Red City, CT, America, Dimension 4266222, George Quadrant)

Two boys are lying in a room, one of them is taller and slightly chubby, the other is slightly shorter but in better shape. Both of them have unruly dark-brown, almost black hair. Each one has a game boy advance in there hands, the shorter of the two's is a SP. The taller one slots in a copy of Poke'mon emerald.

"So, do you think the plot changes and the battle frontier are worth it Ryan," asks tall, starting a new file. Mashing the a button.

"Maybe, getting all the different types might be, wished they included Celebi somehow, cheating isn't worth it, especially not with that whole, no cheating program installed, though you could care less, could you Sean?" asks Ryan, his face turning into a frown, as Flannery's Torkoal Overheats his Grovyle, his last Poke'mon. "God dam it, stupid fire type specialist"

"Whoops, almost made my trainer a girl. Wouldn't want to explain that one come the tournament. Yeah, I'm not so interested in any of the first or second generation legendaries, they just don't have enough character in them," said Sean, still mashing through the various long scenes. "Besides I'm not a perfectionist, Mr. 'I have 383 Poke'mon gained legally and yet it pisses they hell out of me that I can't find Three.' Oh, and your Flannery problem would have been solved if you just went with Mudkip when you restarted for re-honing your skills like I told you, that way Flannery would be no problem and you might be able to beat my Blaziken or Groudon,"

"Stupid Effort Values and you knowing them before me," mumbled Ryan, trying to see if he could find a decent water type.

"Well now that's weird," says Sean

"What?"

"My trainer ID shares the same six numbers as the first ones in my phone number,"

"426622?"

"Yeah isn't that," Sean said, but was cut off by a giant boom; suddenly a pink rip opened above Sean and sucked him in.

"What the fuck!" exclaimed Ryan, as the vortex closed. Then another one opened up, but that is a tail for another day.

(Petalburg Woods, Hoenn, Poke'mon Dimension)

"We did it, We did it, We did it!" shouted the legendary Psychic types in unison, as they gleefully skipped about, not noticing the figure falling out of their dimensional rip, landing on its back, and falling unconscious.

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU TO BEEN DOING!" shouted a loud psychic voice, it wasn't really much of a question, as it was more of an 'you fucked up and are going to pay for it' shout. Both Mew and Celebi looked at the figure, he was wearing a brown poncho like coat that covered most of his body, but with the hood not up, they could clearly see the horns. It was Mewtwo, and he was really pissed. Both of the Psychics looked at each other, and then tried to bolt, but Mewtwo grabbed the two and teleported to Cerulean Cave, most likely to reprimand them. There was a groaning sound as the unconscious figure opened his brown eyes.

"Ugghh, where the hell am I"

(Ruins of Alph, Johto)

An armored van was crashed right against the high cliff wall, the front of it was completely smashed in and its back doors were wide open, both the driver and the front-passenger corpses were unrecognizable. However, the five bodies in the back were somewhat recognizable, or at least their uniforms, totally and completely ripped off of Teen Titans. They were however, burnt with acid or decapitated, one of them had even been pissed on.

If we were to zoom out a bit, we'd notice the small bloody footprints leading away from the crash. Following these tracks lead to a small Poke'mon, all of his body is covered with blood and dirt, as he walks towards Ecruteak City. There is only one thought on his mind. Well two if you count tacos. The Fanfic Police are incompetent. They went after him when they could of gone after the authors who deserve it. So he's going to take action, and he will change the world.

Will Mew and Celebi get spanked? How will Sean react to being transported to the Poke'mon Dimension? And what is the Authors plan? Some of these questions may be answered next episode of Poke'mon Z.E.R.O. Ch1 "How the Stabbing Starts, Pt 3 "The Yellow Menace!" As we may get to the point of the issues.


	3. How the Stabbing Starts PT 3 The Yellow

Authors Note: This is the final part of the first chapter, and this one is going to be a bit more serious when it comes to the oddesy part, and the tale of author will be a little shorter than usual, but it's well worth it. This is also the chapter where I introduce my favorite character from Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald, but I'm not going to tell you who, so you'll just have to read and see. Poke'speak won't be translated, but there is good reason for this, as you will see. One more thing, I've started a forum to answer questions about this and other stories, so if you have a question, ask it there. That way others can be informed as well, and I get to do less work. Just go to my profile and click 'my forums,' It's real easy. Well enough of my blathering, enjoy

Disclaimer: I do not own Poke'mon, if I did, Ash would have won in Johto and we'd move on to Kenta who would travel to Hoenn and meet up with Brendan and May, and Max would have just been the generic kid who tells you Birch is in trouble and…well you get the idea. I also don't own HES, but I have permission, look on his page if you don't believe me. I do own Sean, Math Prowess Mew, and any sort of plot points that are different from the game. Steal and you will regret it. Enjoy

Poke'mon Z.E.R.O. Ch1 "How the Stabbing Starts" Pt3: "The Yellow Menace"

(Irregular Productions, Violet City, Johto)

The sun is shining, the Pidgey are singing, and Falkner is being whipped by a bunch of eleven-year-olds He just had to take the job as the level 1 gym leader. Not 2 or three, hell, he'd even been offered the level 5 position, but nooo, he had to want to test the new trainers, He had to make sure that no eleven-year olds who just caught a Geodude or something from Union Cave. Like, that worked. But enough about Falkner hating his job. On to the point. The point being, HES has yet to awake.

HES is on the couch, snoozing, in his boxers, did I mention he snores? He's also not really an elf you know, he's an author who just looks like one, and like most authors, he has to sleep. The Narrator comes in and gets a stern look on his face. He then kicks the sleeping Author. HES wakes up with a start and looks around startled, then glares at the Narrator

"Why the hell did you kick me?" asks HES coldly. The Narrator is not afraid of HES though, oh no, his contract is with Crimson, HES can't touch him.

"It's two in the afternoon," says the Narrator, equally cold as HES. HES's eyes widen at this, before he scrambles to get off of the couch, only to fall on his face. He then gets up and runs to the Plot Device and throws the switch.

(Petalburg Woods, Hoenn)

"Uuuuugghhh," says the young teen, sprawled out on the ground. With some bright light shining down on his face, and if you remember part two, his name is Sean. He then decides to makes an intelligent assessment, "Uuuuugghhh."

Having Uuuuugghhhed enough for one day, he looks around: Trees, Dirt, Leaves, Logs, Bushes, Wurmple, nothing registering as unusual at the moment. He decides to lie there for a moment, vacantly staring at the few rays of sun that manage to come down from the canopy. He tries to put together a coherent line of though. "I should get up now," says he, his actions mimicking his words. However, his back starts to throb in immense pain, and he falls down. "On second thought, lying down is fine."

Lying in the dirt, he tries to conform more lines of thought. He then tried to re-call what happened today, and failed. He tried again, and failed again. Trying once more, he let out a chuckle, as he succeeded. Lets see, woke up, ate breakfast, went to school, did not pay attention in school, got out of school, fell on knees and screamed freedom due to last day of school, invited Ryan over, got Poke'mon Emerald, Ryan and myself started training for the Poke'mon tourney, big flash of light, wake up in forest.

"One of these things is not like the other," he said, going over his head information again, and getting nothing. He did this several times, lying in the dirt, still not getting it. Then it hit him, it was the last day of school! No, that's not it either. He then went over the information again, and again, and again. Then he was hit in the head with a pinecone.

"Owe," he grumbles, rubbing his head, "Stupid pinecone, wait…pinecone, tree…tree, pinecone…tree…dirt…outside…forest! What the hell am I doing in a forest?" He got up suddenly, and instantly regretted it, as his back really hurt. Ignoring the pain he looked around, yep, it definitely was a forest. He stretched, hoping to get rid of the pain in his back. After that didn't work he leaned against a tree, and decided once again, to review the information he gathered. Then it dawned on him, three paragraphs ago, he thought he saw a Wurmple.

"No, that's crazy, that was obviously a…a log! I hit my head on the way to…where ever I am. Which is probably just a prank, yep," he said, trying to convince himself. It would have worked too, until a Wurmple crawled across his foot. Instead of trying to rationalize the situation, he decided to scream, the pitch was much higher then you'd expect. He ran around like an idiot, screaming; well at least until he trips over a backpack.

"Owe," he mumbles, as he picks himself up and shakes away the cobwebs. Then he looks around to kick whatever he tripped over, seeing that it's a backpack, he kicks it. The backpack falls over from its upright position, and stuff comes rolling out of it, medicine, some Poke' balls, clothes and food. Ignoring the rest of the stuff, he decides to eat the food, partially to distract himself, partially because he was hungry.

"Okay, so I wake up in a forest, and there are Poke'mon. There are only two logical explanations. One munch I've gone crazy and I'm hallucinating…no that's not it, crazy people think that they're getting saner. So that leaves option B, I'm in a coma and am having a vivid Coma fantasy…yes, that must be it. But can you feel things in a coma fantasy? I guess so, so now what, do I face some inner demons, they can't be too big, or maybe this is just entertainment? I don't know, well I might as well advance the plot," he babbled, and then picked up a poke' ball, he looked it over, and then decided to press the button. He nearly dropped it when it got bigger, but managed to keep his grip on it. He then threw it about twenty feet away and bravely ducked behind the bushes. Not hearing what he though a Gyrados or Ursarang roar would sound like, peeked his head above the bush and saw…nothing.

"Well that's kind of disappointing," he said, as he came out and retrieved the ball. He then went back to the backpack and sat down cross-legged. He looked over the various items, mainly the Poke'balls. "How the hell am I supposed to figure out which of these danm balls are empty or not?" he asks himself. Then he notices that one of them is a Luxury Ball. "Why hello there," he says, grinning. Figuring that who ever left the bag there would have left their Poke'mon in a really fancy sphere. He grabs it, expands it, and throws it several feet away.

"Go, Whoever!" shouts our hero (sort of). The ball opens in a flash of light; sparks and glittering lights shine out in an extremely flashy, and kind of tacky, way. Red energy pours out taking shape. It's canine in shape, with about a foot of height at the shoulder. Its coat was a light gray with darker grays on its face and feet. It had yellow eyes and fangs towards the rear of its mouth that always showed.

"Poochyena!" said the, well, Poochyena. Then it blinked and looked around. It looked quizzically at the sun, as though it didn't understand what it was. Then it looked at the trees, unable to understand them, it growled at them. Looking around franticly, it saw the one thing it could understand, a human. The Poochyena walked around the mammal cautiously, unsure whether it was friend or foe.

"…" Said Sean, his eyebrow rose. He wasn't sure if this was normal behavior for Poochyena, after all he'd never seen one outside a screen of pixels. But he had been around dogs for all his life, and he'd never known one to growl at trees, animals in trees yes, but its growl was directed at the forest itself. And what was with that sun thing? He would have considered going about this line of thought more, but then he heard a growling. Not the growling made by the Poochyena, but a familiar growling, one from a stomach. He looked at his own, but when he heard the growling again, he realized it was coming from the Poochyena's stomach. Sean rummaged through the backpack and found some berries, and if what he remembered was correct, Poochyena are omnivores.

"Come on boy…err girl, whatever gender you are, I've got some berries, and I know you're hungry," said Sean. He held out his hand in the direction of the Poochyena. It cautiously crept forward slowly for a few minutes until it was only a few inches away from the hand. It sniffed the berries and decided that they didn't smell bad or poisoned. It grabbed the berries then ran a few yards back; it dropped them on the ground and started munching them again. Pleased at the results, Sean grabbed more berries and held them out again. The Poochyena repeated what it did before, but didn't go back as far. The two repeated the process several times until the Poochyena simply ate out Sean's hand. Sean started to scratch the Poochyena's ears, it flinched in surprise for a second and considered running away, but those thoughts were crushed once it started to feel pleasure from the scratching.

"So…can you understand me?" asks Sean

"Chy," responds Poochyena.

"Well I have no idea what you just said…ok how about this, if the answer to a question, bark Poo, and if the answer is no, bark Chy, all right?"

"Poo,"

"Can I take that as a yes?"

"Poo,"

"Ok, I take it you can understand me,"

"Poo,"

"So…are you a guy?"

"Chy,"

"So you're female, right?"

"Poo,"

"Alright, do you have a name?"

"Chyena?"

"You know, a name, wait, do you know what a name is?

"Chy,"

"Well a name is, it's a…personal identification. Like mine, People don't call me human, I go by Sean. So is there something that your parent called you?"

"Chy,"

"Well I'll have to think of one then, well come on, I don't want to stay in this forest forever, that be a pretty sucky coma fantasy," said Sean, getting up and brushing himself off. He grabbed all the stuff that spilt out of the backpack and putting it back in. He then slung it over his shoulder and pocketed the Luxury Ball.

"Lets see if we can get out of this crap hole," said Sean, walking in a direction he chose at random, with Poochyena at his heels.

(Four hours later)

"How bout…Shade? It means 'to obscure'," asks Sean, walking with Poochyena. It had been a while since they meet and they had found neither an exit nor an appropriate name for the Poochyena.

"Chy," said the still unnamed Poochyena, not liking the sound of that name either. They were starting to run out of things to call the Poochyena, as it turned out to be rather picky at what it was called.

"There is still no way I'm calling you Lassie," responded Sean. About two hours ago he had suggested Lassie jokingly, and Poochyena actually liked it. But there was no way he'd call his traveling companion that, as she was extremely un-Lassie like. She'd run around and chase Zigzagoon and bother Wurmple. Sean doesn't even want to recall what happened with the Shroomish.

"Chy, Chyena," swore Poochyena, with the emphasis on the e.

"Hey, I don't insult you like that do I," exclaimed Sean, throwing his arms back. That expression was one of the few he managed learn in their short time together. Sean wasn't watching where he was flailing his arms however, as his fist hit something on a tree nearby and knocked it over with a loud thunk. Both he and Poochyena stopped their bickering and turned around to see what made that sound. It was vaguely ovalish and yellow-orange in color. It had many different interlocking armor like plates that covered its two-foot long body. And its two black eyes stared angrily at Sean.

"Po Poo?" asked the bite Poke'mon. That's one of the only other Poochyena speak terms that Sean was able to figure out. It essentially meant, "What is it?"

"It's a Kakuna," said Sean, leaning over the cocoon Poke'mon, "But I thought that they lived in Johto and Kanto, not Hoenn, why would one be here?"

The Kakuna clicked angrily at the human and decided to give him hell for knocking him out of his tree. So he evolved. The front of his shell cracked open and light burst out of its stomach. The first thing to come out were its two black legs, they stumbled about for a bit, before finally getting a grip on the ground. Next to come out was its black and yellow abdomen, tipped with its yellow stinger. Suddenly its two arm stingers burst out of its shell scaring the crap out of the boy and his dog. It used those stingers to lift out its yellow body and head. On its head were two antennae that seemed to bounce up and down, and two red eyes, well actually they were thousands of eyes just in two groups, but you couldn't tell that just by looking. It managed to prop itself up, and then two small clumps on his back expanded into white wings which flapped themselves to get free of the Kakuna…juices.

"…Well that was pretty cool," said Sean, with Poochyena nodding in agreement, dumbfounded. The Kakuna, now Beedrill, wobbled a bit, trying to get used to its new body. After taking a few minutes getting used to its new body, it decided to get revenge. Actually walking over instead of flying, it launched a fury attack at Sean. Sean, partially due to being beat up a lot at school, partially due to dumb luck, dropped down and dodged the first two stabs, but he wasn't lucky enough to dodge the third, which the Beedrill aimed downward. It pierced into is lower body, causing him to scream in pain. The Beedrill clicked in delight.

Its happy clicks were interrupted by a loud howl; it turned to find the cause of the sound, and was promptly tackled to the ground by Poochyena. The Bite Poke'mon did its namesake into the Poison Bee Poke'mon's thorax, causing it to squeal in pain. But unfortunately for Poochyena, Beedrills have very flexible abdomens. It stabbed the poor bitch in her chest with a poison sting, injecting its venom into her body, before picking her up and throwing her into a tree, where she collapsed, unable to move for the moment.

The Beedrill hover-limped (as its wings were damaged during the tackle) over to the downed Hyena, and stabbed her with its fury attack, or would of if it hadn't been hit with a tree branch into another tree. Sean smiled weakly at his successful attempt at hurting the monstrous insect. He dropped his branch and walked over to check on his companion. Misery decided visit the two again, as the Beedrill, now really pissed, charged at Sean. Sean heard the buzzing and turned around just in time to get two stingers imbedded in his organs.

The Beedrill and Sean continued to soar through air due to the Beedrills sheer willpower moving them. But Sean managed to manipulate his weight so that he and the Beedrill crashed in the ground, then using the momentum to help, kicked the poison bee Poke'mon off of him, causing Sean's backpack to open up during the struggle and some items to fall out. The Beedrill tumbled a bit while Sean started panting, although the Beedrill missed his lungs and heart, it hit some other vital organs, kidneys and pancreas included. The pain and the realization that his life fluids draining out of him aloud Sean to realize the truth, "There is no way I could imagine this pain, I've never felt anything like this before. This is real."

The Beedrill, not caring about the reality of the situation, got up and decided to finish this and stabbed towards Sean once more. But Murphy doesn't like this Beedrill, as Poochyena tackled it again. Both of the Poke'mon began struggling around in the dirt. Sean looked on.

"We can't win this," said the teen, the reality coming down on him, "We're going to die." He sat there, waiting for the end to happen, waited for the grim reaper or one of his associates (like mall Santas) to come and put him wherever he belonged. He hoped masturbation didn't weigh as much as the orthodox said it would. Then he heard a yelp, as Poochyena was down once again. He looked and saw as it got up again, and savagely attacked the Beedrill. "Why didn't it run away?" wondered Sean. It's small and fast, it can hide away, so why doesn't it run?" Then it dawned on him.

"It's trying to protect me," Sean stated in marvel. Him, a stranger it had only known for a few hours. She had just met him and she is trying to protect him. And now that he thought about it, he could have run from the Beedrill, but instead, he protected her as well. And he just gave up on life! Poochyena was then thrown against a tree, panting hard, the Beedrill stalked over to her slowly savoring the time before the killing blow.

"I'm such a fucktard, but if she's willing to fight then so am I. I won't let my friend down!" screamed Sean, as he flopped over onto his stomach, ignoring the pain as dirt got into his wounds, grabbed the first thing he could find, and threw it as hard as he could. He missed the Beedrill entirely. The Beedrill turned around to scoff at him, but that was a bad move as it was electrocuted with several thousand volts of electricity. After spasming for a while, it stiffly turned around to the source, Poochyena was sparking and giving off what looks like a smirk at the crisp Beedrill.

"Chy, Chyena," whined the small dog, with emphasis on the e; it's pretty obvious as to what it said. Whatever sanity a Beedrill may have had was instantly shattered as it screamed in pure hate and went on to finish the job, but before it could, it was hit in the back of the head, as Sean through another thing at it. The Beedrill faltered a bit and screamed loudly before it…turned red and was sucked into a sphere? Apparently a Poke' ball had fallen out of Sean's backpack and he grabbed it when he needed ammo. The ball wiggled once, twice, thrice, and then stopped with a thoop. Sean blinked, then put up a halfhearted smirk.

"Heh, I caught a Beedrill," was the first response that came to his mind, and then frowned, he still had work to do. Through will power, he was able to stand; he gathered what fell out of the backpack, hoping to find something useful. He managed to get lucky, as there was a potion. Dumping the rest of the crap in the backpack, he waddled over to Poochyena, and leaned down to spray her with the healing liquid. But before he could, he heard a large amount of…buzzing?

"Fuck, You, Murphy," said the Human, as his adrenaline finally kicked in. He grabbed his partner and ran as fast as he could. Getting at least a hundred feet away from where he was, he turned his head and saw an entire swarm of Beedrill. There was only one word to describe the situation.

"FUCK!"

(Pretty Petal Flower Shop, Hoenn, 10 minutes)

A well-dressed gray-haired man in his twenties looked around all of the various flowers, and considered pulling his hair out in frustration. He looked around the entire place once more, and then decided that screaming out loud would be an excellent idea. After his fit of rage, a young brown-haired brown-eyed woman wearing blue jeans and a yellow shirt, both covered with dirt, puts her hand on his shoulder. He whirls around in surprise, nearly tripping in the process.

"Having trouble Steven?" asks the woman, smiling in a teasing way. The man collects himself and frowns.

"Yes June, You see there is this girl that I like, and I want to give her flowers and ask her out on a date, but I don't want to go with roses, as that may seem like I'm rushing things, but I want something to portray my feelings," blurted out the current champion of the Poke'mon League. June didn't respond, as her eyes were wide in shock, looking behind Steven. Steven didn't notice

"You should try Aster, they mean love also, but aren't as over the top as roses," responds a male voice behind Steven.

"Which ones are those?" asks the champion.

"There the ones that look like smaller sunflowers but are purple and pink and stuff," responds the voice. Steven sees the ones that the voice talked about, and grabbed a bouquet.

"Thanks pal, I would have nev…" responds Steven, but his words die out as he sees the condition of his helper. He has scratches and blisters over his entire body, mainly over his shoeless feet. He seems to be favoring his right leg, meaning his left is most likely broken. One of his eyes is just a blood and most importantly, he has three stab wounds in his chest that seem to be clotted with dirt. In his arms is a Poochyena that also has a few puncture wounds, but not as bad as the boys. The two stare in shock for a while. The boy seems to be confused and looks down, he frowns.

"I seem to be bleeding on your floor. Don't worry, I'll get a mop and clean it up," states Sean, he starts to walk towards what he believes is a broom closet, but slips on some of his own blood and is sent crashing down onto his back. "Or I'll just lay on the floor. Yeah that sounds like a good idea,"

"June, call the hospital, tell them I'll be there in five minutes!" shouts Steven finally getting out of shock. June complies with his wishes and starts to phone the hospital while Steven takes off his jacket and tries to stop the flow of blood. Then he searches Sean, finding Poochyena's Luxury Ball, he recalls the bite Poke'mon and calls out his Aggron and has the iron armor Poke'mon carry the boy outside.

"Oh, by the way," says Sean weakly, coughing at the end of the sentence

"Don't talk, save your strength," commands Steven, not willing to let the child die.

"We're being chased by a swarm of Beedrill," weakly replied the boy. Steven took pause with that statement. "Just thought you should know," Steven heard buzzing and looked out to the forest. Like a hundred squadrons of fighters from a WWII movie, the Beedrill emerged from the forest, determined to avenge their brother. Steven swore then reached to his belt and whipped out a super ball.

"Mudo, Ariel Ace Now!" shouted Steven, as the armor bird Poke'mon came out in a flash of light. The Skarmory did a tight loop before it disappeared. Three seconds later, every Beedrill was on the ground twitching and Skarmory reappeared next to its trainer. Steven ran over to the side of the flower shop and grabbed the hose there. He then had his Aggron put Sean on the Skarmory's back and tied him up with the hose.

"Godora," said Steven, talking to his Aggron, "stay here and watch the Beedrill, if they even twitch the wrong way, nuke'em. Mudo, I want to be at the hospital ten minutes ago," Both of the Steel types nodded. Mudo then took off, hovering for a few seconds, enough time for Steven to grab onto his leg. The Skarmory then rushed to Rustboro city as Godora shook his head and got into a comfortable waiting position.

(Irregular Production, Violet City, Johto)

A now fully clothed HES's watches the chapter on the plot device, his eyes are wide open and his mouth dropped. Finally he gets his thoughts together and makes his opinion known.

"I so did not see that coming,"

Will Steven make it to the hospital on time? Will Sean and the yet to be named Poochyena survive their battle? And who the hell does Steven want to ask out? Find out next time, on Poke'mon Z.E.R.O Ch 2: "Ceilings Really Suck"


	4. Ch 2 Celings Really Suck

Authors Note: Well hey there everybody, nice to see you all again. Anyway, now that that spat of violence is over, it's time for some humor, wooo! Their won't be much in the way of Poke'speak, but you can live with that.There will also be some sciencey stuff, but you'll just have to deal with that. HAHAHA! Anyway, this chapter is shorter than others, but I tried having it with Steel Type Shuffle, and it just didn't fit, this break up in the story makes it run more smoothly.

Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form, own Poke'mon, if I did Ash and May would so make out. Sorry Pokeshippers, but I don't like Misty, or for that matter water-types, give a Gyrados earthquake with EV's in Attack and Speed, it becomes two fucking uber. But I digress, on with the show, enjoy.

Poke'mon Z.E.R.O. Ch2 "Ceilings Really Suck."

(Irregular Productions, Violet City, Johto)

"HOLY CRAP," shouted HES, his eyes bulging and his jaw slack. The television remote that was in his hand fell to the ground. It broke apart and the thousands of evil spirits from the Deamous Baterius were freed and decided to conquer earth. Fortunately Captain Hoboman from the "Kanto Democracy Team," an elite group of superheroes that no one really cared about, used his hobo powers to seal the demons into a VHS tape of ultimate evil. The images of this video were disturbing, putrid, and strangely erotic, and most definitely not suitable for this M rated fanfic. Seriously, you don't want to know.

The Narrator, who we shall now refer to as…Tom, yeah that works. Tom ran into the room, not so much for concern, more so as to gain incriminating evidence to use in extortion. He disappointingly puts his camera down, as there was no random Sentret humping his leg. He looks over to the TV and sees some kind of chase scene. Going up to the actual monitor, he turns the mute button off…by hand! Dear god, it's a travesty against nature!

"This is Gabby Talkenstien reporting to you live from Johto, why the hell are we in Johto? Ty, why are we in Johto?" asks the ace news reporter. The woman frowned as she looked at the camera.

"Well Gabby I, beli," started the voice behind the camera, ace cameraman Ty.

"Shut up Ty!" Shouted Gabby, her face turning into a scowl. "That doesn't matter, anyway, an insane Oddish is barreling down the highway on a motorcycle, when Johto got a highway is beyond me. The Johto police force is attempting to catch this psychotic grass type, but the efforts do not seem to be working. We will now take let you listen in on the actual police conversation with the perpetrator."

"Pull over, you are surrounded, give up!" shouted a police officer using a megaphone, lets call him John. He was shouting at an Oddish riding a motorcycle with handle and petal extensions to actually be able to ride the thing. The Oddish also had sunglasses on and there is a burlap sack stuck onto the back of the cycle.

"NEVER!" screams the Oddish, very loudly. Suddenly several vines erupted from his head and moved to the sack. Then each one came out, each bringing with them an automatic weapon.

"Hey, Oddish can't learn vine whip!" shouted officer John in surprise and disbelief.

"I HAVE A GAME SHARK AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT! " screamed the Oddish, as another vine came out and held up a transparent-blue game boy advance, the game shark clearly in the accessory slot.

"FUCKING N00B!" shouts officer John, just before he and the other police cars surrounding the author are assaulted with gunfire. Those that were killed spun out of control, while those who weren't had to pull from pursuit. The author just laughed manically as he accelerated, leaving the police in his dust.

"…Well fuck," said Tom, seeing the footage.

"Indeed," responded HES.

(Rustboro Hospital, Rustboro City, Hoenn)

"Penguins!" shouted a boy who looked about twelve years of age, bolting up quickly, he looks around the room and scratches his white hair in confusion. His blank eyes search for something familiar. Paper clothes, no, all white room, no, uncomfortable bed, no, thing lodged in his wrist, no, beeping thing, annoying but not something he remembers, wait a minute, thing lodged in his wrist? The boy looked at his wrist again, yes, there was a plastic thing in his wrist, and it was connected to a plastic tube, which was connected to a plastic bag, which was filled with clear liquid. Something was happening here, and he didn't know what it was, but it sure would be easier to figure out if it wasn't for that REALLY ANNOYING BEEPING!

"YAAHHHGGG," screamed the lad, as he located the beeping thing and found it also attached to the thing in his wrist, not thinking clearly, he ripped out the thing, and the beep turned into a monotone whine. This caused the boy to cover his ears, as it was really annoying. He then kicked the whining thing and it fell to the floor. A minute later, several men in green came into the room, not bothering to listen to what they were saying; he immediately decided that attacking them was a good idea.

"YAAHHHGGG," he bellowed again, as he flew through the air and landed a blow to the first man's neck. By some sheer dumb skill (dumb luck is a skill damn you!), he managed to hit a pressure point. This caused the man to fall into unconsciousness, and we all know that unconscious people don't stand up by themselves, so the man collapsed. This gave the boy enough traction to bolt through the door that the men left open. However he wasn't completely successful, as his paper gown got caught on the doorknob. That didn't stop his run thought, and we all know what happens to paper when it is pulled on from both sides. RRRRRIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP.

(Rustboro Hospital Reception Area, Rustboro City, Hoenn, 15 minutes later)

A young, well-dressed, gray haired man walked through the automatic doors of the hospital and went up to middle-aged woman minding the reception desk. Don't ask me what she looks like, she's not important. USE YOUR FRIGGIN IMAGINATIONS YOU LAZY BUMS, YESH. Anyway…where was I? Oh right, Steven walks up to her and starts a conversation.

"Excuse me miss," asks Steven politely, getting the woman's attention.

"Can I help you?" she asks

"Yes, I'm looking for a patient who was brought here a week ago, he was just brought out of Genetic Therapy and transfer to the recovery ward,"

"Can you please tell me his name?"

"Well I don't know his name, there was no identification on him,"

"I'm sorry sir, if you don't know his name I can't find him,"

"He was in genetic therapy for week, doesn't that narrow it down?"

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't help you,"

"Listen, he had several puncture wounds, a missing eye, blood clots, I'm pretty sure that there's only one patient like that,"

"I'm sorry sir, I can't tell you without a name,"

"Well can I see the patient log, I'm sure I can find him myself"

"I'm sorry sir, I can't let you, it's against policy,"

"Agai…Against policy? Well surely you can make an exception?"

"No sir, I'm afraid that you have to be authorized to see the patient log,"

"Authorized, Authorized! Do you know who I am!"

"No sir, I don't"

"I'm Steven Devon,"

"Who?" asked the receptionist, leaving Steven baffled.

"The Poke'mon League Champion?"

"…"

"Leader of the Elite Four?"

"…"

"Vice-President of Devon Corp?"

"…."

"Owner of this FUCKING HOSPITAL!"

"Please keep your voice down sir, patients are recovering,"

"Geped, stablo, snifgin, degenhorts…. arghhhh!" screamed Steven, pulling at his hair, trying to keep the urge of releasing Godora and having him eat the receptionist down. She filled her nails, uninterested in the league champion's mental breakdown. That was the straw that broke the Camerupt's back. Steven reached for a great ball on his belt, feeling that his lawyers could beat whatever lawsuits came-up. But he never had a chance, as a Caucasian blur ran past him and punched him in the testicles.

"…Owe…" Steven groaned in soprano, falling to his knees and holding his groin.

"Down with capitalism, embrace anarchy!" Shouted the white-haired teen from before. Wearing his birthday suit with pride, he ran away from several men in green uniforms carrying sedatives.

"Come back, we only want to help you!" shouts out a male-nurse of little to no importance. As he and his troop chase after the lad. They run around a randomly placed statue and turn back the way they came. Steven gets back up, but three seconds later, he really wished he hadn't.

"LIES, YOU WORK FOR THE GOVERWAHHH," shouted the youth.

"CRACK"

"MY LEG!"

"…Well that has to suck,"

(Three hours later)

"The majestic Magicarp return here to spawn-bzzt-legendary confrontation, Red vs. Green- bzzt-available now for nine-ninety-nine- bzzt-Super Mega Ultra Beige Hemorrhoid Zord- bzzt-socks- bzzt-you are the weakest link, good-bye-bzzt--HOT SKITTY ON WAILORD ACTION! -bzzt-Due to El nino, the entire Beedrill population of Kanto migrates to Hoenn, however, no one should be alarmed, as Beedrill are harmless, BOOM," went the television set, as a remote was suddenly embedded thought the glass screen.

"…Why am I alive again," asks the still yet to be identified youth with a scowl on his face. His legs were tied together and hung in the support often used for patients with broken legs. The hospital staff had done this to make sure that he couldn't run away, they didn't worry much about his arms because he was pretty weak.

"Genetic Therapy. They 'tricked' some of your other cells into altering their dna to rebuild your damaged parts, usually the person going through the treatment gets fat cells surgically added in to be used so you don't loose mass, but this was an emergency situation, so their was no time, which is why you look younger. What's your name?" rambles Steven, currently decked in a hospital gown with his normal clothes hung on a chair. His leg was also in a support, but unlike the youth, his was actually broken.

"Sean, Sean Costan, how is Poochyena, is she alright, and why is my hair white?" asks the now identified Sean.

"She's fine, she recovered from her injuries but had an allergic reaction to the toxins the poison sting, so the Poke'mon Center is watching her. Your hair, and for that matter your eyes, are like that due to some random side-effect of the therapy."

"All right then."

"Fine," responded Steven, as both of them stared at the ceiling.

"…"

"…"

"…Hey Steven."

"Yeah Sean?"

"Ceilings really suck, don't they?"

"Yep."

(Irregular Productions, Violet City, Johto)

"THIS JUST IN," shouted the TV, "THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES HAS JUST BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE BY A PSYCHOTIC ODDISH!"

"Aw Fuck"

**Next time on Poke'mon Z.E.R.O., Steven and Sean recover, but they don't have time to relax, as Devon Corp. is under attack by it's own security system! And the only thing that can stop it is…the power of dance? Who the fuck writes this stuff? Anyway, tune in for chapter three! "Steel Type Shuffle!"**


End file.
